Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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