So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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