last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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