Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
