i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
