He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
