Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
