WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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