I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
