just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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