she woke up with a sticky ear
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
