Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need to sanitize my soul.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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