I faked an abortion last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
