I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
