I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Let's get the cat blown out
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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