Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
