it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
