that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
