were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
