Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
