I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
