look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
