tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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