Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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