We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
