Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
