Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
