In the future we'll all be gay
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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