Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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