K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
sex in a hospital.. check
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
