i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
