So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
