i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
