Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
