Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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