Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
