my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
