ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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