the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
