We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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