1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He felt like a one man threesome
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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