Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Holy sore nipples Batman
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
