I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
