Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
