You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
