I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
