i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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