Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
