Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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