What a fucking waste of an outfit
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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