just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
