Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
