I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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